Didn't wanna do it!

Last Wednesday, Aunt Flo made her presence known at my house and well...that whole day I seemed to be going in the wrong direction. Helpers weren't available at The Crib. It was all on me and NOT pretty. At least I did remember to make chicken spaghetti.

The lesson was about Jesus' parables. I asked, "What is a parable?" No answer. I repeat, "Anyone know what a parable is?" Finally, Victor chimes in..."u, u, uuuu, I know. It is a pair of bulls." Bahahaaa, talk about take the edge off...hilarious! We jet along with the parable of the four soils. The dvd even points out the fact that Jesus would glance at his surroundings and teach about a tree, a rock, a boat, etc.

As I'm staring aimlessly at the screen, my eyes are distracted by sunflowers. I get lost in thought in regards to a story told by Myra Moss about how the flower got it's name. Yep, gonna close tonight's lesson with the sunflower story.

In closing, just as the flower follows the sun throughout the day...we should follow the Son throughout our day. "Hey Miss Tammie, you just told a parable", stated Victor.

I left and wasn't the same as when I went...determined to keep my eyes on the Son this next week.

Another Muddy Mess

Once upon a time…no scratch that…twice, three, four upon a time…white that out, too…

Many upon a time, I have had a ‘shattered expectation’ or a ‘dream not come true’! And early April dashed some salt on an open wound. I had someone treat me ‘crappy’ without even remembering who they were talkin’ to, A Princess (God's Girl). Okay, so all princesses don’t use the c’ word, sorry.

On one occasion, scratch that...On a few occasions, hit delete...

Many times in my life, I deserve to be treated “c-word”. But, this time it was uncalled for, in the least. So, I tried to shake it off. With every text, status update, tweet and phone call, it became painfully obvious that I was still holding onto it. Not cool! I know and teach ALL the verses, grrrr!

Wednesday before last, I’m teaching youth (CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?). Why HE doesn’t strike me dead is beyond me. And the lesson is about the friends who lowered their paralyzed friend thru the roof and down to the feet of Jesus. The lesson was good, but no earth-shattering-through-the-roof revelation to speak of. I wasn’t surprised due to the attitude bottled up within me.

We had a closing song with prayer time. Instructions: pray for your friends who need Jesus. I participated. As I’m ginnin’ along thru my prayer list…low n’ behold… ‘that’ name pops into my head. Uh-uh, can’t do it. And that's when the earth rumbled and the windows shook.

I confessed before the youth and youth workers that I might NOT be physically paralyzed, but I WAS emotionally and spiritually paralyzed by unforgiveness. I was stuck, couldn’t pray for ‘that one’ or myself.

Those yw’s and kids climbed on the roof, dug thru the shingles and lowered me into His Presence through prayer. There are days when I don’t feel worthy to shine His shoes or scrub His toilet, but maybe with my transparency He will shine His light thru this cracked, muddy vessel called my life. All glory and honor is due YOU, LORD! It certainly put a hop, skip and spring back in my step. Yep, I'm healed!

The Key

For several weeks now, I've had a friend's 'really nice' four door truck because my Durango is under the weather. Something's up with the interior lights and last night...it was a fumble bumble kind of time while I searched for something lost. Doesn't it irritate you to no end to try and open the back seat door and it be locked due to the safety feature?

Well, I slipped around to hit the unlock button (in the dark mind you) and thought I hit it in the right direction. Nope! I locked myself out! Thankfully, the pick up has one of those number punch entry things...so, off I went to make the dreaded call to David and tell him that I needed the combo cuz I'd done the deed. Kent met me at the door with his billfold wide open...what? (Guess he heard me scream as the door closed in slow motion)

He handed me a card that David had given him from the beginning of our car borrowing's first day. It had the magic numbers that opened the truck without the key. Huh? He knew I might mess up and he already planned for a way back in?! Brilliant!

Hmmm...

This made me think about God and His back-up plan of sending His one and only Son to earth with the redeeming magic of the cross cuz we'd do the deed. In the garden with Eve, HE had it in his back pocket the whole time...sorta like Kent had in the driveway with me all this time. Thank you God that you meet us at the door with your hands and billfold wide open. Like Adam and Eve, we locked ourself out of Heaven's Garden and You made a Way back in. You paid the price. I was lost and now I'm found.

Sweet Moment...

Yesterday, I giggled when I saw Baldo in his little red pickup round the corner with Dawg in the back. And awwwee, while looking out the window today...I saw Dawg on the sidewalk near the post office.

All of a sudden, Armando drove by in the City truck and Dawg was off to the races. He leads rather than follows, and even though he didn't have a clue exactly where Armando was headed to weedeat he took his place in front of the truck. While still in my eyeshot, Armando pulled over and let Dawg load up. It warms my heart when I see others lovin' on my kid. And I bet Nano and Pa just eat it up when we love on Peanut.

Wouldn't surprise me one bit, if The Father stands at the Window grinning from ear to ear when we minister to Hiz Kiz.

Just Do It

Okay...so just in case you forgot the mess with my spagetti supper, here is a-not-as-funny moment, but still a "If I only had a brain" moment. Night before last we had tortilla soup for supper, cornbread and loaded with cheese. Mmmmmm, good!

Well, we had leftovers! Yesterday, Kent had it sittin' out to give to Dawg...nahhhh, I think we should keep it. So, I put it back into the fridge. Note to self: Should have 'listened' to Kent.

(Teachable Moment)

While putting away coffee creamers this a.m., I tipped over the pan of soup in the fridge! Why, pray tell didn't I just DO IT?

I thought it was David and Goliath...said, Sydney

Whew, yesterday was a goodie. Taught kids about David, Bathsheba and Uriah. We even acted it out with an all-girl cast. Every time David's name was mentioned he, I mean she, strutted a royal pose. When Uriah heard her name she thrust 'his' sword into the air in valor. And precious Bathsheba sat on a curb in a pretend tub of water. When her name was dawned, a helper spritzed Febreeze in the air above her majesty's tub...except for the times the aim was dead on.

Bathsheba said, "It was fun, but not tasty at all...and it was weird pretending to marry Elli." The coolest part for me was the light bulb that bounced along with Sydney's pony tail. She refuted, "But, I thought the story went something like...David and the giant, Goliath..." In the shuffle to the next station I explained, "Yes, but David killed Goliath waaaay before he was King and when he was still a boy keeping sheep." Oh I ssoooooo wanna help her fill in the dots. Hope we can spare some time. Maybe, like Sydney, we all want to remember the victorious times in David's life.

I would like folks to see the whole megillah when they do an assessment of my life. My good years have finally outnumbered my bad years. And I'm expecting mighty moments of victory to come. And I only hope and pray that HE says of me, "She was a woman after my own heart." I want that for Syd, too.

Little things...

A little girl on the way to Lil K said, "I can talk with my brain." Long silence followed, "See!" To which I replied, "I heard every word," and to myself thought, 'I wish most adults practiced that discipline--especially me.'

I'm a lighweight...

Yep, Beth called me a lightweight. She said that we Westerners are viewed as lightweights. We fuss and discuss stupid, menial things. We make a 'furnace' out of the iddy biddies...like _____ fill in the blank. Lord, have mercy on my soul. I wanna be a heavy weight!

Get off my toes...

Whew, Beth Moore needs to get off my feet. Watched a video session where she discussed the three who were thrown into the fiery furnace. In their case, the Lord didn't deliver them 'from' the fire, but thru it. I'll be the first to pray for any and all deliverance FROM a fiery trial. Then there is the third scenario...ultimate healing in Heaven. Probably the best case scenario on that end of it, but not on the earth end.

I don't even know how many years it's been since Miss Dulah passed away...the ultimate healing scenario. All I know is that it messed with me. Made me gun shy in regards to praying BIG for someone elses healing. What I know is this, my heart isn't bleeding over it anymore. Beth nailed me and conviction came today...it was unbelief that led to despair, disappointment, etc. God forgive me and help me NOT go there this time...

I prayed BIG last weekend at a walk...blind to see and lame foot to grow...seems I'm back 'on'. But, I guess HE knew I needed the reminder because over the weekend I heard that my 'healed' Aunt Sue's cancer is back and all over. The doctor sent her home to...well...die. Do I have the guts to ask HIM again to heal? Is this the vehicle that HE wants her to drive home? Is HE ready to see her face to face? HUGE, Lord, yes You are!

40th Birthday

New Digs...

I am on the verge of having a new office. Sounds crazy, but it's at the bank. And I'm really 'expecting' to have more time to write. Yea, that sounds even crazier...I know, huh? Home and Office are merging a bit too much, lately. I also fully expect to support my heavy drinking habit.

I bought a bar! And did I forget to mention that my addiction to Carmel Frappucinos is ferocious. I intend to learn 'the trade' of Barista. Although, too much coffee might make me jikky, but all the more beneficial for writing, right? Gotta support the Goree economy!

Kent will have a loft in this amazing structure. I think we'd be amiss to call it his office. He might nap and hibernate there so, I am calling it his 'Man Cave'. Here is a pic of the innards of the circular stairway that will look like a tree when it's all said and done. I think we'll lose the blue tarp, tho. hehe

More than anything, we are excited to repurpose this gorgeous downtown relic. We are investing in Our Town and expecting great things here.

Spies Among Us

Yesterday at Kidmo (our preteen ministry) was a doozy and not on the good end of the spectrum, I might add. I’m studying creative discipline methods as we speak. Well, today while reflecting spiritual warfare…the thought crossed my mind that the demons were ordered to research the proverbial Kidmo files of the Catch Series, Episode #2. Their findings revealed that the subject matter would be over the Saul/Paul conversion and that there would be a ‘distinct’ possibility that Tammie would take this opportunity to share her testimony and that some preteen would probably invite Jesus to change their life.

Their hunch was right. I am soooo predictable. In my estimation, there were probably extra legions of demons assigned to my case rather than the norm. I don’t jump on the devil bandwagon that often. Let me explain. At first, I dismissed the thought as ludicrous due to the fact, that I blow it on a regular basis and reap what I sow. The enemy doesn’t have to mess with me much because I’m my own worst enemy. Really!

But, today at our elementary ministry we were studying about the twelve spies checkin’ out the Promised Land. My assignment was to dress up like a spy and have a folder with the words ‘Top Secret’ plastered across it. In my teacher prep time, I was fumbling for a manila folder, any would do…finally and randomly grabbed one out of my briefcase (sounds better than ministry tote). A sharpie pen did the job, not as dark as a sharpie marker…but, oh well…good enough. Then I ran to the sanctuary to set-up. ‘Wow, there’s a sharpie marker on the pulpit! Wow, I’m in luck.’

As I wrote over the letters with the marker, I glanced at the tab heading. THE FOLDER that I happened to grab said KIDMO and contained the lesson plans. This is where I threw the planned FWFriends’ manuscript out the window. Oh, we had to juice this one up. Soooo as we began FWF, Daniel was offstage with the Top Secret Folder and I’m center stage explaining to the children how the enemy broke into my office and stole the lesson plans for Kidmo. And I further explained how he tried to foil all of our plans yesterday. “I’m waiting for my spy agent to get here any moment (as I looked down at a watch in which I wasn’t wearing) because he was successful in retrieving the missing folder just this very afternoon.”

Agent Daniel runs into the room (out of breath, good add Daniel) and thrusts the folder into my hands. “Here you are ma’am.” The evil plot for next week has been spoiled. The day has been saved!

Tuff Stuff

I had a hard, clumsy fall last week on a busy highway where I was parallel parked. I think I stepped on my shoe string, I don't know, and I almost fell headlong into oncoming traffic. Luckily, I fell sideways instead of forward which kept me safe. Do I think the enemy pushed me? No! But, do I think he has a hit on my life? Yep! He would love to take me out.

And speaking of an almost fatal incident, I have a church friend who attempted to take her life last week. Long story short, she didn't succeed. Yesterday, I was sitting near the door at church and 3kord was singing a song about being ruined for Him. 'Ruin my desires'...something like that. Then low 'n behold, my friend walks thru the double doors and I'm the first to greet her. Wow! This verse flooded my soul for her...

Proverbs 19:21 (New International Version)

21 Many are the plans in a man's or woman's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

While looking for her scripture just now on biblegateway.com, I found mine:

Proverbs 16:9 (New International Version)

9 In her heart, Tammie plans her course, but the LORD determines her steps.

Mmmm, mmmm...

In Sunday School the kids and I played a game similar to dodgeball. Although, we used foam pellets. The foam pellets catapulted at one another represented problems which fly out of nowhere and hit us. When you were hit, then you were paralyzed and had to freeze. One person was 'it' and had the power to unfreeze a player, but the clincher was that the freezee had to ask for help.

This morning, I've had a few foam pellets come my way and I feel sort of paralyzed. The hits weren't so fun and soft as they were yesterday. The kids never hesitated to ask for help. So, why am I hesitant? Lord, I have a lot of questions and I know You are the One who holds all the answers and the power to unfreeze me. I'm hit!

Getch Ur Game On

Okay, I think I need to think. Sometimes I think best thru my fingers. I’ve just learned that I tend to be an emotionally driven person, or rather, ‘was’. It’s changing. And one thing that I’m studying about today is honoring the temple, my body, of God. The verse that was thrown at me this morning was Psalm 84:1, “How lovely are Your dwelling places, O LORD of hosts.” Lovely?! Oh, no…remembrances of the ‘I Spy’ game flood my soul. Lord, don’t make me play that game again!

How many times have I heard these words fly out of my mouth, “I eat when I feel mad, when I feel sad, when I feel glad, when I feel nervous…on and on.” Someone, somewhere along the way, I learned that my eating was a symptom, not the ‘issue’. As I really look at my ‘quote’ in a new light, I see a common denominator. The word ‘feel’, the 1 subject of feelings seems more manageable to deal with than handling each of the 100’s of emotions in my life. We may be onto something huge here?!

Then, there is the whole scolding myself, being disappointed in myself and getting frustrated with my tending the temple habits or lack thereof. (Oops, another common denominator in that statement is ‘myself’.) If you ask my friends ‘What is one of her most used verses?’, they’d tell ya “My/your battle is not against flesh and blood”. They usually get the opportunity to quote it when I’m mad at someone for some random reason. And it’s usually payback for the number of times I’ve thrown it around in their situations. But, this time I was reminded of it on my own and used it in a way I’ve never done.

So wait, I told myself, I am made up of flesh and blood. Yep, sure am. That’s when I realized…drum roll please…my battle is not against myself. Quit beating yourself up, Tam. Learn to love yourself with a healthy love for the person God created you to be. Play the ‘I Spy’ game if you have to. And then, Princess Warrior, get your game on and woop some enemy butt with the weapons not of this world, but of the Spirit.

What a mess...

While dusting my shelves in the kitchen just a moment ago, I hear… “Honey, what’s for supper?” My thought was, ‘Leftovers’. So, I pushed the hold button on dusting and sauntered to the frig to grab a deep pan ¾ full of taco meat to reheat for a taco salad supper. Immediately the pan jumped out of my hands and landed on its’ head and somehow had lost its’ lid on the trip down. Afraid of what was to be, I picked up the pan and 10% of the contents was on the floor and 90% was still stuck in the pan. Hey, not much was wasted, yea! Then, I became lost in thought…

My friends just had their lives turned upside down! He is a pastor and was asked to resign and he is my multi media guru for Hiz Kiz. His wife is my right brain in the childrens' ministry. His kids are in my flock. My prayer is...since the Lord allowed this...that whatever needs to be dumped out and left for the trash will go and they will go on with life trusting His sovereignty holding on to the 90%. He allows things to dump into our lives only to make us better and for our benefit, at least, that is my soul talk. As well as, what I’m praying on their behalf.

I went back to dusting; my next item was my bread of life promise box. I thought I need a word for my friends. I didn’t like the first verse, but settled on the second. Phil. 3:7 “What things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ.”

I Spy Something With My Little Eye...

Well, the shoe is on the other foot. I’m not the one needing the Great Comforter/Counselor, my friends are. I'm praying for them. When I was in need a mere moment ago, actually last week, I didn’t handle it well, at all. Through it all, I realized something about myself. I am an emotionally driven individual. My emotions dictate the outcome of my actions and/or reactions, maybe not every time, but most.

In the last episode of ‘Life’s A Stage’, my title for my familial drama that acts out on the canvas of my world, I didn’t handle the situation with grace and wisdom. I heard that my brother had been arrested for serious drug charges and I spiraled down into the dumps. I yielded to it and let my flesh feel exactly what it wanted to feel, think exactly what it wanted to think, say exactly what it wanted to say and …thus, acted it out.

I wanted the house as dark as I could get it. I wanted nothing to do with the Light and anything else that the outside world had to offer. I didn’t feel like praying, so I didn’t. I didn’t feel like answering the phone, so I kept my headset loud. I didn’t feel like going to church, so I didn’t. It was weird.

The LORD, finally broke through my darkness after four days and began to work on me. Here’s a synopsis of what HE said, “You made the wrong choice.” He revealed what should have been my self talk, thus revealing my unbelief. I knew better.

Ro. 5:3 “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance…”

Phil. 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”

1 Pet 4:13 “But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”

Mtt. 5:12 “Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

Psl 118:24 “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

At some point, I turned on every instrument of praise in my house. Every room had ‘The Message’ blaring loud and clear. And doesn’t it say that HE inhabits the praises? I snapped out of it and began to search for answers. First of all, the wrong choice is called sin. So, I had to repent. I realized something...when I made the choices I made, I kindly escorted God off the throne and put myself on it. His thoughts, His feelings, His words and His guidance ceased to have meaning. And my thoughts, feelings, words and actions ruled the roost. I'm no theologian, but isn't that one of the ten commandments? Graven image, idolatry kind of stuff?

And, glory to God, when I picked up my bible study again—He spoke! And through a story about a little girl playing ‘I Spy’ on an airplane in a tumultuous time, I learned to play the same game in my topsy turvy situation. I was challenged by the author to play ‘I Spy’ with the verse Phil. 4:8 in relation to my disruption. And just a note of warning, it wasn’t easy. I didn’t think there was anything noble, admirable or excellent about the matter. I even had to go to the original language and study synonyms before some of the answers came to me. Here’s the results:

I spy something true because: now my family can speak openly and honestly about my brothers’ drug problem.

I spy something honorable because: my brother is a son of the KING.

I spy something right because: it is for his own good that he follow the law of the land and God.

I spy something pure because: he will be forced to detox and be free from defilement and impurities.

I spy something lovely (pleasing) because: he is alive.

I spy something of good repute (admirable, praiseworthy and appealing) because: (this one was hard) God’s reputation in His child will not go unnoticed and God’s grace in this and every situation is praiseworthy. We don’t get what we deserve.

I spy something excellent because: of my brothers’ potential under Christs’ control is enormous.

These are the only words I have right now...someone elses.

"More Than You'll Ever Know"
by Watermark

Something brought you to my mind today
I thought about the funny ways you make me laugh
And yet I feel like it's okay to cry with you
Something about just being with you
When I leave I feel like I've been near God
And that's the way it ought to be...

CHORUS:
'Cause you've been more than a friend to me
You fight off my enemies
'Cause you've spoken the Truth over my life
And you'll never know what it means to me
Just to know you've been on your knees for me
Oh, you have blessed my life
More than you'll ever know, yeah, yeah, yeah
More than you'll ever know, yeah, yeah, yeah

You had faith, when I had none
You prayed God would bring me a brand new song
When I didn't think I could find the strength to sing
And all the while I'm hoping that I'll
Do the kind of praying for you that you've done for me
And that's the way it ought to be...
You have carried me
You have taken upon a bruden that wasn't your own
And may the blessing return to you
A hundredfold, oh yeah...
A hundredfold, oh yeah...

A Fly In The Ointment?

Yeah well, I had some disagreeable things plop into my life over the last few days. Nothing monumental…nothing life shattering…just left a bad taste in my mouth. O.C. hit the nail on my head this a.m. in today’s devotional, “The Habit Of Enjoying The Disagreeable”. Yuck!

Here is the question that did it for me, ‘Do I manifest the essential sweetness of the Son of God, or the essential irritation of ‘myself’ apart from Him?’ Oh, I’d say I was far from sweet yesterday. Irritable, yes, that describes me to a tee.

The next statement that O.C. makes is pushing things a bit too far: No matter how disagreeable a thing may be, say - "Lord, I am delighted to obey Thee in this matter." Whew, I do desire to have ‘that’ response to the strings that tug at me.

One of the last disagreeable things that intruded my day was…as I was cleaning off the bar in the kitchen, a solitary key fell off the shelf down into my scentsy candle. Leather wax went everywhere. I dug the key out of the jar and proceeded to play with the wax. I took a gospel tract (sorry, Jose) and began to scrape the now cooled wax off of the counter, the wall, the phone, the key, the side of the jar...just then I saw two dead flies covered in wax lying on the counter. Euwwaaa!

Had this key NOT plopped down into my candle then I’d still have a fly cemetery. And I'm trusting that there must have been a couple of flies in my life that disgusted the Lord, for Him to allow these disagreeable issues in my life. Or maybe life just has its' fill of flies? At any rate, I didn't embrace the opportunity of manifesting Him in a new, unnatural way thru my day for His utmost.

At the very least, I have a beautiful, fragrant object that I really enjoy in my wickless candle. And I hope to do better next time, so that, I can be a beautiful, fragrant object that He really enjoys. Keep my inner vision clear, Lord. Thank you for the disagreeable…rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice!

A Puppet on a String

Somedays I feel like a puppet on a string. Like the enemy pulls this string then that string and I respond so predictably. Today is one of those days. Shoot, he may not even be involved. He may just be sitting back behind a two way mirror punchin' a demon buddy saying, 'Watch this, Kent turned off the cooling and Tammie is about to notice.' Would he be pleased if I crawled back in bed and pulled the covers over my head? Probably. I think I may put on some praise music instead of crying.