It’s been
exhausting, hasn’t it? Living two
lives…being one person within this setting and another in that. How did it end up like this? How could something feel so right and be
wrong? You know and love God,
what happened? How could that oxymoron
be? You may have even scoured scripture
searching for a loophole.
At first, it
was easy. No one suspected
anything. Maybe you didn’t realize that
when that “one person” called you at work that your tone of voice, length and
breadth of the conversation was ‘different’, even with code names and
words.
You bravely
confided in that one strong, Christian friend who would never condemn. That person went with you to gain counsel
from leadership. The obvious was
lovingly stated, “It’s sin”. The
solution, stop it. Stop it? Yes, and avoid it. Avoid it?
You sorta were and it still snuck in the back door. You NEVER dreamed you’d fall into this
pit. It was and never has been on your radar
screen. Stop it, avoid it. Do you want to? No.
Can you, even?
Strangely,………no.
Which leads
to co-workers who love you just asking a simple question and your defensiveness
was likely a dead giveaway. With the
monopoly of your time and exclusivity, your other roommates wonder and ask. “Is
there something going on between the two of you?” Oh man, “No!”
Now you’ve gone and lied, again, again and again.
You love
your family and friends and you would never deliberately hurt them. Which hurt is worse, the lie or the
truth? Yes, the truth would
obliterate. Therefore, you isolated from
them and created another world where life like that could exist without lies.
Inwardly,
you jumped up and down at the decision of the Court on June 26th 2015. You admire those who outwardly celebrate, but
you can’t. You have permitted both
worlds to coexist. Social media made
perfect sense at the time, keep in touch with all my loved ones at a safe
distance, with much discretion.
Uh oh, the
court’s decision has just REALLY complicated things. Participating would mean both worlds have to
collide. Wow, I don’t know…!? We NOW have a huge personal decision, are we going to commit to each other through marriage? Marriage?
Marriage! Wait, sex outside of
marriage is wrong. What? Wait!
Hold on.
“Oh,
God! Oh, myyyy God! What am I going to do?” Whoa, did I just pray or was that just a random
expression of emotion?
“Ummmm, Lord?
Down deep, I know you love me and there was, is, never will be anything
that makes you love me more or less. I
want to want out. The only thing I’m
sure about right now…the one thing I know that I know that I know, You are
Love.”
